Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i think i have two assholes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
