He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
