I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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