If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
