I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
