it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just had sex bonerless
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
