I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
