Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
