I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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