first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
