Having a random hookup so left but love u
Apparently you make a good broom.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You were trust falling into bushes
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
