youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
