This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
