watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
