i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
