Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
