Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
