wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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