Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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