Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
