Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
