Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
