i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
