Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
