giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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