I'm jealous of your bromance
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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