so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
