I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
