I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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