I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
