haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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