There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
