guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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