The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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