I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You ate ashes out of my bong
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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