I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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