do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
