I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
