I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My ass is underappreciated
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
