you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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