You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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