I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
