so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
