do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
