Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
