i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
