note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
