no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
