I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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