I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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