I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
